This weekend I sat down with my financial numbers to figure out the best plan of action for addressing my remaining debt. And I have to say: this has been my most profitable month since starting B. Light Media.
Actually, let me take that further. It’s been my most profitable month since 2024, when I launched my first (and only) group coaching program.
But here’s what’s different between me now and me then: in 2024 — and honestly, in many of the years before that — I walked around with this quiet, persistent fear. The kind that whispers that your spending will eventually outpace your earnings. That one day you’ll have to close up shop or change everything you’ve built.
And yet, even while feeling like the business was on its way out, I still did everything I could to hold on — investing in high-ticket coaching, building funnels, hiring a VA, setting up lead outreach. It never felt like enough. Because it never could feel like enough when fear was guiding so many of my decisions.
This fear is nothing new
The more I sit with that season, the more I recognize that this fear of not having enough, or a fear that God was holding out on me has been plaguing humanity since the very beginning.
The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” … “You won’t die!” the serpent replied. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Genesis 3:1–6
And Solomon — widely considered one of the wisest men to ever live — had something to say about it too:
I saw that all labor and all skillful work is due to a man’s jealousy of his friend. This too is futile and a pursuit of the wind. The fool folds his arms and consumes his own flesh. Better one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:4–6
Both of these passages remind me of the same thing: one of the greatest life hacks available to us is contentment. The desire for more rarely disappears — but we can surrender that desire to God and trust that when we truly need more, we’ll have it.
What actually shifted for me
I had convinced myself I needed some massive windfall to make any real dent in my debt. But when I used a new planning tool I created specifically for people with income swings — freelancers, creatives, solopreneurs — I realized something: I actually have more than enough to meet my goals. I just have to be intentional about operating that way.
Looking at each transaction in isolation never gave me the clarity I needed. But when I looked at our full financial picture, I found about $1,200 per month that could be rerouted towards what I’m prioritizing in this season.
Here’s the plan I walked away with:
- Build up our emergency fund — so credit cards stop being the backup plan
- Reach our savings goal by July 15th
- Get more aggressive with debt payoff and track the progress as it happens
And as much as I love seeing a big payment hit or a balance drop dramatically, I keep coming back to this:
Wealth gained hastily dwindles, but the one who gathers little by little will increase it. Proverbs 13:11
My word for this year is pace. That means I may not always get to where I want to go as fast as I want to get there — but by faith, I’m confident that in due time, I will reach my desired destination.\
The hopelessness cost me more than I realized
If I’m being transparent, I’ve been on this financial freedom journey for most of my marriage. And I could have made more progress if I hadn’t let hopelessness slow me down again and again.
I’ve had seasons that were impossibly tight and seasons that were genuinely abundant. But just as Isaiah 40 describes, in my waiting I have found strength. I’ve seen God move in too many areas of my life to give up faith now.
The vision is for a future time. It describes the end and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place and not be delayed. Habakkuk 2:3
I’m grateful for that vision. I’m grateful God has renewed my strength again and again — showing me what’s possible and not letting me quit before I see it through.
I’m equally grateful for what I can only call the pace of grace — because I believe that is what will not only get me to my goal, but position me to actually sit and enjoy it when I arrive.
God does not waste a thing. He shows me: “I have all that I need. He lets me rest.” (an excerpt from Psalm 23) That is a true blessing.
If your income fluctuates month to month, traditional budgeting tools weren’t built for you. The Freedom & Flow™ Financial Planning Tool was. It’s designed specifically for creative freelancers and solopreneurs who are tired of looking at their numbers in isolation and ready to see the full picture.
